what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
