your thong is hanging out like whoa
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
