Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
