Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
