I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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