how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
