he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
