The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
