her vagine was all disorganized.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your cock deserves a montage
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
