Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
