he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i now understand why vodka
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
