If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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