Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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