It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
