oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
