dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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