Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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