I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
