Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
