you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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