im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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