meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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