You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dick very happy bro
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
