Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
