Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
