I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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