I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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