I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
