I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
