I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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