Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
