just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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