I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
