I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
