she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
