mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
