what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
