i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
a search helicopter?!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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