No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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