Only a mothe r could love this liver
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
