i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do vagina's smell?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
