so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
