I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
