Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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