fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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