it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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