I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
