I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
