God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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