We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
